SLST Articles

During my practice years I saw numerous individuals who were dealing with the loss of a loved one, be that a spouse, life partner, child, friend, parent or close relative. The grieving person usually showed up in a state of shock not knowing what to do with all these feelings that were emerging from within. At one time I had two couples on the caseload where one of the partners had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and only had a few months to live. Each of these situations were difficult and challenging in their own way.

The stages of Grief Recovery are not the same as Kubler-Ross’ Stages of Death and Dying. After working with terminally ill individuals for several years she came up with 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) depression and 5) acceptance as typical reactions to the diagnosis. These have nothing to do with the grief recovery process even though they are often confused as such. In this article I aim to clearify what the grief recovery stages truly are.

With bereavement there is a predictable beginning but not so with its end. What resources you employ during this period will determine how long it takes for your bereavement recovery. Feelings of sadness, mourning and depression need to be acknowledged because ignoring them will sabotage the recovery process.

Managing your grief recovery is a fairly straightforward process once you understand the steps involved. There are specific actions you can take to counteract the physical and emotional reactions you will be experiencing as a result of your recent loss. A variety of grief recovery actions are available and worthy of consideration.

In the same way that no two persons fingerprints are the same, no two people experience grief in the same way. The issue is an extremely complex and unique one, - and when it comes to grieving the loss of a loved one, the grief experienced is as complex and unique as the relationship you had with that person. It could be described as a deeply personal experience.

When you lose a loved one, nothing comes easy. The grief process if a very long and involved process that is different for everybody and can be dangerous if it is not dealt with properly. Grief that is ignored or neglected has the potential to turn into feelings of depression, confusion, disillusion and even thoughts of suicide. It is very important for people who have recently lost a loved one to have the support they need to make it through the grieving process in a healthy and safe way. Everyone has had different experiences with this natural part of human life.

When someone loses a person who is essential to their well being, they undergo bereavement as this helps the person to live with and comprehend their loss. It also helps them to take on with the departure of the the one they loved, and then after a period of heartache, it is at that time they’ll be in a position to move ahead and start living and loving life once more. When a death takes place, even if it’s expected, especially after a long sickness, you may still have a variety emotions. There can be self-denial, disbelief, confusion, outrage, sorrow, longing, anger, humiliation, despair, even guilt feelings. Feeling these emotions is pretty typical.

Many people make the assumption that when someone has suffered the loss of a relative or close friend, it is better to leave them to grieve alone. The reason for this is that they believe that talking about the person after the funeral has passed will bring back more grief, and make the person feel uncomfortable, or upset them by saying something wrong. This is not usually the case though, and this approach can avoid asking the questions which the bereaved actually want to hear. These people need to cry and become upset, as it is all part of the healing process.

As the grieving process continues and time goes by, the various holiday seasons will inevitably approach. These can be extremely difficult times of grieving families, as it is a painful reminder that there will be one much-loved family member who wont be celebrating this time around. But by taking a few steps in your festivities to remember the loved one who has passed on, you can create new traditions, honor and remember the person, and help alleviate some of the pain. The main thing to remember is to do things at your own pace, and not to try and do too much straight away. Celebrate holidays in a way that works for your family as a unit. Here are some suggestions of how you can include your departed loves ones in your holiday celebrations:

Many of lifes anniversaries can bring us great joy. However, after the loss of a loved one these times can also become sad events, as the anniversary of their death casts our memories back on the pain felt when they passed away. A loss of someone close to us can take a long time to heal, and as a result, a small gathering of family and close friends may be the best way of marking this significant anniversary. This means you can take comfort in the people you trust the most, and at the same time pay respects to the one you have lost.